the christmas bug hasn't bitten me yet...

yes, and to think it's just 15 effin days before that special day.

the cool (not cold) breeze is here. im seeing thousands of tiny bulbs forming lines, glowing in trees along highways, street lamps, business establishments, and houses. fancy ornaments of metallic red, blue, gold, silver, among the several other colors, are seen hanging in wreaths and christmas trees. out comes the very famous figures of santa claus; rudolph and his 6 friends; angels clad in fancy gowns carrying instruments such as harps, trumpets and violins; and who would ever forget the stable, the manger complete with the three wise men, the shepherd and his flock, with the family celebrating the birth of our Saviour. lanterns of different sizes, colors and lights line up the streets. people rushing here and there shopping for gifts. children could be heard on the streets singing to tunes who knows who invented them, with flattened beer caps and empty milk cans as their accompaniment. yes, indeed. the time is drawing near.

and in spite of these, im still not excited about christmas. im not sure i want to celebrate it this year. well, i have already expressed my sentiments on this before, but my mood should have shifted already by this time.

sigh, to you out there, help me feel the christmas spirit. the spirit i should have been feeling since the start of the month. it feels like it's not fun anymore when it should be. sigh, back to work

she came back...

yes, you came back.

i thought we will be seeing each other again after two years, but then again, you came back after just a month.

you were crying over little things in your first few days of leaving. and i was there to listen. now, you're back and things changed.

well, i do think it was for the better. after all, you came back smiling. and you said you found yourself a new... friend. yes, it was a friend, but until when?

now, don't look at me like im jealous, because frankly speaking im not. im just afraid that since you'll be having a newbie, we'll be hearing less from you when you leave again. that's what im afraid of. im afraid that you'll leave everything behind here. im afraid i wont be able to know you again. im afraid you'll forget me. us.

soon, you'll leave again. will this be for good already? and when you say you'll leave, would that mean you'll leave everything behind? and when you say everything, does that include us?

im afraid. but i have no choice. i have to let you go. again.

whew.

ok, so i surprised kee and the drinkers at drew's by suddenly showing up. and yes, i felt like i was attending a grand prodigal son-ish homecoming. hugs and kisses welcomed me to the group. there was jeyson, meia, gee, kee, aaron, lea, julie, annalea, chaida, donna. kuya ross followed shortly. and kuya jasper, too.

ok, i arrived drew's surprised to see new faces joining the drinkers. and i was surprised to see that most of them are already beyond their alcohol tolerance.

ok, yada yada yada... kwentuhan here and there. i became updated to the latest happenings to my dear org.

ok, i heard their side already. i hope i could hear the other side as well. soon

ok, i had drinks, four shots actually of drew's concoctions. and to think that i did not have dinner. i prepared myself for my very worse behavior that night.

ok, we were discussing things while drinking, when all of a sudden, one of the drinkers cried. everyone went to either comfort her or just be anxious about why did this drinker cried. ok, enough said, i will not delve into the details as i assume this is not for public consumption. and just as i thought it was over, another drinker cried. sheesh, aren't we supposed to be having fun?

ok, my mind is like i hadn't drink that night because of what happened. and to top it all off, another drinker cried.

ok, you can blame me for that; that's the way thing really are right now. sorry.

ok, what the hell is wrong with the drinkers that night? two-five drinkers were dancing, two of them wildly. some drinkers trying to add a new vice. in front of me. ok, i don't like that. drinker who couldn't even control himself/herself simple because the person is so drunk that person could crawl back home regardless if the drinker still has his/her stuff with him/her. sheesh. i have never encountered any of that kind in my college years, even in my entire existence.

ok, i am not mad. it's just that why would there be such people who continue drinking even if they already know they have reached their limit?

ok, i am embarrassed by what happened. embarrassed by what people saw. embarrassed by what people perceived of my friends that night. embarrassed that i wasn't able to do something to relieve them from such embarrassment.

but, they're my friends. the hell i care about what other people say about them. to hell i care about what they would think about us. they don't know us. so don't they ever bother minding us.

ok, end of rant.

the 4-day cebu expedition

ok, this is probably one of the longest, if not the longest, post ever. and since i experienced so much, i think it is very proper that this post is quite long, hehehe

day1:

met up with salve at mrt-magallanes station at 7am to go to the naia terminal 3. dapat kasi 6am yun, but then again, we're filipinos hahaha. then, met up with deo at the airport. got checked in a breeze. got board my first ever plane ride in my entire life at 8:45am, and by 9am, we were airborne. ok, since this was my first time to ever ride a plane, i was excited. yes, i even got the chance to win a prize by joining an in flight game hahaha. i liked the view of the clouds under me when it is usually above us. by 10 we were already in cebu. rode a cab with a very funny driver to the north bus terminal. grabbed a quick snack as a lunch substitute and rode a bus to Maya. and thus started the longest and most expensive bus ride i ever had. 135 pesos! 4 hours of sitting in a very uncomfortable seat! well, the first two hours was smooth sailing. on my left were vast foliage and mountains. on my right is a great view of the blue sea. great isn't it? the next hour was a dusty trip to several barangays (dusty kasi ordinary ang bus, walang aircon bus sa terminal, sheesh). and the last hour was a rough road, a very rough road. my butt sore big time. sigh, at least, when we finally got off, we saw a better view of the sea. next is a boat ride to malapascua island. whew, three modes of transportation in one day! but the long and tiring trip was worth it, as we saw the white sands of the island. awww, ganda

a guy by the name of kuya Arca approached us and led us to one of the cottages in the place. great news, we got a place to stay for a good deal. got our first serious meal at the island at ging-ging's garden. then, went off and changed clothes and took a brief dip at the beach while watching the dramatic sunset. awww, ganda.

went back to our cottage and ate at mabuhay bar and resto by 7 pm. yummy spaghetti bolognese. and since we have nothing left to do, we drank, haha. got drunk that time, and to think i only had two sex on the beach (disclaimer: name ito ng cocktail na ininom ko that  night, god bless your naughty mind hahaha). made freinds with kuya ramon, the bar owner, and her "talandi" waitresses hahaha. then we headed back to our cottage by 11pm and slept.

day2:

woke up by 7am to catch the sunrise. well, tulog pa mga kasama ko so ayos lang magdrama sa beach hahaha. then when they woke up we ate breakfast at ging-ging's, changed clothes and headed for the beach for our snorkeling itinerary. side talk: we rented a boat for 700 bucks and rented goggles (which was by the way pronounced in malapascua as GAGOLS hahahaha) for just 150 bucks each, great deal i must say. kaso lang aga aga minura kami ni kuya Arca (see all caps word). anyways, we went around the entire island for three hours, and i was seriously amazed at the sites we saw underwater. corals of various colors, shapes and designs, fishes of different colors and sizes, star fishes, sea urchins, and even a coral "garden" in a japanese shipwreck! simply amazing underwater adventure.

after the trip, we headed back and i took a bath before eating lunch at la isla bonita. ordered "Jaegerschnitzel" which is just a german term for a burger-steak look-a-like with mushroom gravy and your choice of homemade fries or mashed potatoes. yummy. and it was a big serving, which should be kasi mahal ang price haha. then we rested by the beach. syempre konting swim swim ulit hanggang dumating ang sunset, accompanied by dramatic clouds hahaha. ganda. too bad we wewren't able to capture it.

we went back to the cottage and dressed up for dinner/inuman session, again hahaha. we saw a restaurant with a great ambience by the beach side. they arranged mats, tables and pillows for you to sit on the sand. too bad it rained so we had to transfer to their bar. ordered hawaii pizza (note: that's exactly the name of the pizza, not hawaiian, hahaha) at sunsplash (that's the name of the resto). also tried two different cocktail drinks: maitai and tequila sunrise. fortunately, they bith tasted good and i never got drunk; sina salve and deo ang tinamaan hahaha. and dahil hindi kami kuntento, we headed back to mabuhay resto bar. continued story-telling, singing to the bar's videoke and laughing our hearts out to the tune of  deo's and salve's long island ice tea and my second order of maitai hahaha. my friends are so drunk when a guy foreigner named mark came by the resto and came to sit next to us. well, bilang mga talandi ang mga waitresses dun at nakainom na rin kami, we just found out we were already talking to this guy, which is by the way kinda smells like a curry dish. turn off. anyways, since sobrang lasing na nga ng mga kasama ko, they decided to go ahead and leave me talking to this stranger by myself! hala! oh well, i decided to join the talandi waitresses as they were going to watch something at the town plaza. fiesta kasi. so bilang nakainom na ako, i asked mark if he could also join us. he was actually excited as he was about to immerse himself to a local tradition. so ayun, next thing we know, andun na kami hahaha. ang program for that night is some beauty contest coronation night. ok, no partying for me, boo hahahaha. but mark was i think fascinated with the intermission numbers that he was really taking videos of it. ok, boredom and alcohol strikes, so i asked to go ahead. mark asked if he could go with me na rin kasi wala siyang kasama pabalik ng hotel niya. ok, moment alone with this guy? no thanks, na turnoff na ako sa smell niya hahaha. but then ayun, sinamahan ko pa rin siya all the way to his hotel, which is walking distance lang naman from ours. tsk3, shakes hands a bit tapos i was surprised, he gave his email address without me asking for it! hala!!! waa hahaha gusto ko na rin yata siyang landiin ng konti hahaha. but i controlled myslef hahaha. balik cottage na and slept.

day3:

woke up late, argh missed the sunrise. anyways, we ate again at ging-ging's before heading back to the main island. packed our bags and started our longest bus ride ever. grabe from 4 hours, naging 5! hayme lang,imagine all the dirt na na-accumulate sa face ko! tsk3. anyways we arrived at sm city cebu by 5pm. boo, no lunch! tsk3. then, cheked in at executive royal inn. finally airconditoned room, with hot and cold water hahaha. took avery refreshing bath while salve ate at a nearby carinderia and deo met up with her niece at sm city cebu. then, after salve's turn to bathe, we headed to sm city cebu to meet up with deo and her niece. then we went to parkmall. ate at a fastfood while waiting for a seat at pier one. yes, another booze session hahaha. yes, and with a new face, siyempre new kwento, more laugh tripping, more picture taking hahaha. well, fortunately, walang lasing that night hahaha.

went back to the hotel and more pics were taken. hahaha vain kami eh hahaha

day4:

woke up by 7am, took a bath and then went to a money transfer store. papadala lang ako ng pera somewhere hehehe. then went back the hotel and pakced our stuff and prepare for the whole day city tour before heading back for manila. our hired taxi driver was kuya roel. andami naming napuntahan

• taoist temple - ganda ng site kasi it was found at a hillside overlooking the city. prayed to the altar and asked questions answered by two wooden thingy hahaha. too bad ang answers were "no" and "maybe" for me. sheesh.
• quick breakfast at mcdonald's andwithdrew money at a nearby atm
• jumalon butterfly sanctuary - situated in a village somewhere, this eductaional itinerary taught us the value of not cutting weeds as these may be food for the caterpillars who would eventually become prospective butterflies, which would be pollinators and producers of fruits. also found out that the alphabet can be seen through butterfly wings, and that males are more beautiful and smaller  compared to females in the insect world, and other facts about butterflies, including an art form where their wings could be used as  art mosaic.
• crocolandia - a crocodile farm with more animals compared to crocodiles hahaha. but we saw very VERY big ones, including a wide range of birds, snakes, deer, wild pigs, owls, eagles, fish, ostrich, reptiles and amphibians. we even saw a tarsier!
• fort san pedro - a unique historic site where the fort is triangular-shaped. although it's quite small so no need to stay here for too long, and besides we're too hungry to walk hahaha
• ate lunch at a different mcdonald's branch
• magellan's cross, basilica de santo niño's church and museum - another historical site, made a wish at church while praying inside it. ganda ng altar, very grand. and the museum, interesting. puro costumes ng santo, plus records with very envious handwriting hahaha
• tabuan market - yes, time for buygin pasalubong. bought danggit, dried pusit, chorizo de cebu and fish tocino. yes may tocino na pala na gawa sa isda and it doesnt taste like fish talaga. interesting
• shamrock otap store - yes, pasalubong again. bought otap, dried mangoes and mango puree. ok, i hope hindi pa naman ako over sa baggage limit ko hahaha
• went window shopping for a while at a guitar store. well, hindi naman yata tamang maglabas sa amin yung owner ng grudges niya against his wealthy competitors di ba? hahaha
• lapu-lapu shrine/park - last stop. historic site pa rin, hehehe well, picture taking and more shopping for pasalubong. bought a bag for mom, a shirt for my dad, and coin purses (pronounced as CORN FERS by ate hahaha) for my two sisters
• ate an early dinner at chowking

arrived at mactan international airport at 6:30pm. take note, our flight is scheduled at 9pm pa hahaha we're too tired na rin and we do believe that we toured the entire city na. so we stayed bum there until we coudl check in. met up with gem at the airport since she and her family was also here since saturday. waited two hours just to know that our flight was delayed! arrrrrgghhh, i wanna go home and sleep na! ayun, 9:35pm we flew back to manila. i love the city lights below the plane. so nice, very very nice, especially yung manila lights.

there, uwian na. tapos ang adventure. back to work

a sunday concert...

4pm, i went over to my bestfreind's place to meet up with the other people who will also watch that concert. and fortunately, umalis kami 5:30pm. good luck sa traffic diba?

and there it was, 6:30pm, paakyat pa lang kami from c-5 going to market market, at andun na ang haggard na traffic. define prusisyon! panic panic! what if walang opening act? then that means no more extra time to eat dinner! wah

7:30 fortunately, nakapagpark kami somewhere, thanks to tons of aggravation and bad traffic management ng mga kuya traffic enforcers. dapat nga talaga kayong tawaging traffic ENFORCERs. argh

anyways, we decided to have a quick meal through brothers burger at serendra, but then again. pila. from the counter, to the orders. gahd. and then, it happened. nagstart na kumanta si chris brown ng wall to wall, with us still waiting for our orders. pakshet. so we hurried eating our food while walking towards the entrance. whew, thanks to that, tapos na rin pati jackson medley ni chris brown. argh

anyways, good thing malaki yung screens, hahaha

got the chance to bounce while taking chris brown's last number. and then there was fireworks. tina, cancel the deal! hahahaha

after 30 gruelling and boring minutes of waiting, rihanna enters the stage from below it, wearing a corset and a black panty. gawrsh, kaloka! define grand entrance! anyways, time for me to record my fave singles. but then, nag-inarte ang dakila kong phone! punyeta! hindi ko nakunan yung unfaithful! pati hate that i love you, shux. good thing naayos siya ulit, and i got to record take a bow and umbrella, which became cinderella, thanks to chris brown. galing talaga nila

hay. 70,000 people, going home, goodluck ulit sa traffic di ba? so we decided to let them go ahead first. plus we decided to have our dinner talaga at a gas station. kaya naman 2am na ako nakarating sa bahay. kaya ako puyat kagabi, kaya napapapikit ako habang nagtatrabaho. at yun ay dahil spagkat because, nag-enjoy ako :)

everything's just becoming more...

the work load, MORE demanding. imagine forcing you a good one whole week of staying late in the office just to accomplish more, just so that we could accommodate the next thing on the list. ugh, is this the consequence of having 13th month pay? hmmm...

the christmas season, nearing MORE. fine, im starting to become the grinch. but hey, it's during these times that work just starts to pile for some unknown reason i have yet to discover. or maybe let be, simply because i have insufficient time to investigate.

the wind, MORE cold. im loving the fact that it is cold. maybe its because at least i know that the wind is colder than what im feeling right now. ok emo mode.

the 13th month pay, MORE than what i have expected. yes, i imagined something less, since i heard someone having less. but woah, thank you very much for the unexpected amount. now i can sleep knowing i have something to spend in cebu. whew.

now, with all things growing MORE, im starting to hate it. i cant accommodate everything at the same time. im human, and i dont have soecial powers to flex myself and take in everything that's been taking place. shux, im starting to be unproductive. no,  inefffective. everything i juggled so well before started to fall at the same time. and im desperately picking each one while juggling whats left of me. shit.

ok back to work. MORE work, that is

albus joaquin oviedo

november 6, 2008. 3 am. i awoke to the request of my cousin to take her to the hospital; she was about to give birth.

i changed clothes, without giving a thought about my hygiene. i have to rush her.

we arrived at st luke's by 3:30. she was then taken to the labor room to lie down. my cousin's sister arrived, giving me and her sister company as we wait for the baby to be born.

it was 5 am. she was now inside the delivery rooms, undergoing a painful process we call labor. we cannot visit her inside that room, so we decided to eat breakfast at nearby convenience store. the warmth of the chocolate was good, and the smoke was calming. but it didnt erase the fear for my cousin's safety (i may be exaggerated at this point, but this was how i really felt during that time).

we went back and waited for any medical announcements for her. seconds, minutes, hours passed by. and no update was given to us, unless my my cousin asked the nurse in the labor room. we waited. and it was lunch time. another cousin arrived at the hospital. she was wearing her school uniform but decided to skip her classes. we ate lunch at a fastfood and hurried back, hopefull that at any moment, she is about to give birth. while having lunch, i realized im having chills, even under the heat of the sun. my anticipation suddenly gave me fever.

we arrived back at the hospital, only knowing that she is still undergoing her labor, in pain. relatives who weren't able to come asked information about ate's status. again, time flew and no news was announced. two more cousins arrived at the hospital. they were asking me about her status when suddenly, a nurse told one of them that she was already at the table giving birth. hope suddenly gushed through us. i updated our relatives and by 4:56pm,weighing 6.6 pounds, baby albus joaquin oviedo was born.

we were now permitted to go inside the delivery room to have a peak at baby albus, and all our worries disappeared. we took pictures of him with us and gave her back to the nurse for temporary custody. we were also told that ate janete will be resting for a while in the recovery room before she could be taken to the ward. the baby will then be taken there as well. so we got ourselves a room, and more relatives arrived, an aunt and her daughter, and one of cousin's husband. we decided to take our dinner while anticipating her release, drinking coffee shortly afterwards and telling updates from their daily lives. 

ate janete arrived at the ward after three hours of sleeping, er, resting from the recovery room, with albus tailing not far behind. the nurse then changed albus' diaper and garments, with all of us eagerly trying to help.

then, two by two, our relatives went home, as they have work tomorrow, except for me and my her sister, who accompanied me all day.

looking bask on all things that happened, i realized one big lesson i should've realized 21 years ago: my parents, more especially my mom, exerted all of their selves such that they could provide us with the life that we are currently experiencing. i hit me so much that i texted that to my mom, which eventually made her cry. why didn't i realize that before? why does it have to be just now, after witnessing the painful process of giving birth?

from now on, i promise to be a good child (yes, child).

welcome to the world albus joaquin oviedo!

finally... im done

yes, after two weeks of reading this in front of a computer, i'm finally able to say that i have read twilight.

and yes, another ebook is next in line, new moon.

anyways, i think i should write something about the book. the characters are so god-like (or devil-like). from the looks i imagined before i saw the trailer, to their economic status, to their abilities. too perfect to be real. the cars, drool-worthy. the places, really surreal. well thought of plot (ok, this is coming from a not so book-worm reader perspective). the baseball game, astig. never thought that a person could be so imaginative to be able to make it seem fictional. 

and of course, the ever so unending kilig scenes nina edward and bella. grabe, inggit na inggit ako sa kanila! talk about landian! hahaha :D

ay i just cant wait to read new moon. hahaha

an office rant

i hate the fact that im bum today when i know that i shouldn't be.

i have a simulation which i should be doing right now, but i'm not doing it simply because i have no idea how to do it. and besides, the data i need is not yet with me! darn it! the next thing i'll realize is that the deadline is just two days away, so it's crunch time for me nanaman! argh

well, ayoko ng ganun. ayoko na. i was used to those kinds of crap before. but not now, not in the real world.

why does it have to happen to me? why did someone have to take a leave when it's supposed to be one of the most crucial periods in the workplace? wala tuloy akong mahingan ng tulong. everyone here's so busy doing their own stuff, and that person is supposedly doing the same thing with me right now! argh argh arrgghh!!!

so what the hell am i doing right now? wala. hopeless. this is really shit. that person will be coming back pa next week so kamusta naman yun! grabe, im not saying na that person doesnt have the right to take a leave. im just saying na sana she comes here soon enough para magawa ko yung dapat kong gawin. i do believe im behind schedule, which in turn would mean tireless consecutive overtime sa office! darn!

garsh

i just wanna rant. sorry

una sa lahat, this post is not my usual self. thus, this is not my usual post. and im sorry if may hurt some people along the way. i just need to blow this shit off my system.

i received a message from my mom asking me to lend her money. wala na daw kasing panggastos sa bahay. that's fine. im starting getting used to that message. 

until i called our house. since wala akong load to reply tom her, i decided to call her na lang using my extension sa office.

she was shocked when i called the house after her message. im not usually calling them after i received those kinds of messages. i just reply ok. then, i heard her voice. she was like she was just finished crying. i asked her kung meron siyang sipon or something. then she broke out. she cried over the phone to me. i was alarmed by what happened. when she told me about the financial support she asked from me, it meant pala na the family badly needed it. as in now na. wala na daw pambili ng pagkain for dinner until tomorrow. she was crying and apologizing to me that time, saying na wala na daw magagawa si dad for the household expenditures that day. i was totally shocked by this line. how come did that happen? we are both working. we both have our salaries to spend with. and his was way larger than mine. how on earth did that happen!? pakshet. ganun na ba talaga kadami ang utang ng family namin?! shet. pakshet. sprakinangshet. pota. bakit nagkaganun! punyeta talaga.

now my family faces another financial  obstacle. my sister who's in third year will be enrolling in a few days. and yes, as usual, hanggang ngayon, walang pera ang dad ko to support my sister. kamusta naman yun! kulang ang sweldo ko to provide her tuition fees. grabe talaga1 kakairita! at eto kami ng mom ko, walang magawa para matulungan ang kapatid ko! leche talaga! puntangina talaga! POTA! anong gagawin ko

to my dad: 

wala kayong karapatan na sabihin samin na wala kayong mabigay na pera. kayo ang provider ng family. with the earning i have right now, kulang akong back-up plan para humilata kayo sa sofa everytime umuuwi kayo at walang dalang pera para sa pamilya natin. at pwede ba, utang na loob, wala kang karapatang magpaiyak ng asawa mo! nakita mo ba itsura ni mommy kagabi? how dare you lie down and ask kris to give you your daily foot massage kung hindi mo siya mabibigyan ng pantustos sa pag-aaral niya! ang kapal ng mukha mo! gusto kitang murahin, pero hindi ko yun gagawin dahil ginapang mo kaming magkakapatid sa education namin. pero naman dad! hindi porket may trabaho na ako, e pwede ka nang magpaka-petik diyan at humilata kung saan saan kapag pagod ka na! wake up dad! you still hvae two other children in school, at hindi nakakatuwang isipin na merong isa sa kanilang dalawa na titigil dahil hindi mo na kayang magprovide!

alam mo ba kung anong pinapamukha mo sakin ngayon? pinagmumukha mo akong isang walang kwentang anak na hindi makatulong sa pamilyang binuo niyo ni mommy! and honestly, it's not a good feeling. may kasalanan ba akong ginawa sa yo? o baka naman kaming lahat sa pamilya may ginawa sa yon na hindi mo nagustuhan? baka naman pwede mong sabihin sa amin nang magkalinawan na! daig mo pa ako magkubli ng sikreto e! para kang bakla! hindi bading dad. bakla. ayusin niyo buhay niyo! kung may problema kayo, baka naman pwedeng wag niyo kaming idamay kung balak niyo namang itago sa amin yun! nakakairita e. tapos mas gusto niyo pa na si mama ang magsabi sa akin ng problema natin? bakit! dahil ba mas close ako sa kanya kesa sayo? well, tingin mo ba wala kang ginawa para mangyari yun? o baka naman kasi nahihiya ka sa akin magsabi? kung pwede lang namin kainin yang pride mo, edi sana wala na tayong problema! e kaso hindi e! hindi namin makakain yang pride mong yan! makolesterol yang pride na yan! nakakahigh-blood! nakaka-stroke! nakakamatay! nakakamatay sa gutom!

isang beses pa na malalaman kong umiyak si mommy dahil sa kakulangan ng pera sa pamilya, hindi na talaga ako mahihiyang kausapin kayo. matagal ko nang gustong kausapin kayo, pero lagi akong pinipigilan ni mommy. kesyo daw iisipin niyo na lumaki na ulo ko at nakakaya ko na kayong sagutin ng ganun ganun na lang. then don't let me use up all my patience daddy, dahil maski ako, hindi ko magugustuhan ang masasabi ko sa inyo. kaya please, utang na loob, wag niyong sirain ang kinabukasan ng mga kapatid ko, lalong lalo na ang pamilyang ilang taon niyo nang ginagapang. 

mahal ko kayo daddy kaya ko ito gustong gawin. dahil matagal na naming napapansin ni mommy na baluktot na baluktot na ang inyong pananaw. maling mali ang inyong prinsipyo. hindi pang-ama ng tahanan, kundi pang single na lalaking naghahanap pa lang ng aasawahin. idilat niyo ang mga mata ninyo sa kalagayan ng family natin! hindi na ito nakakatuwa. at mukha namang seryoso ako di ba? ngayon lang ako magiging hindi palabiro. ang plastik ko sa inyo. inaamin ko, pero dahil napipilitan lang ako dahil sa kahilingan ni mommy na siya na lang ang bahala sa inyo. pero by the looks of it, mukhang kelangan ko na yatang pumasok talaga sa eksena. please don't let that happen.

to my mom:

kaya natin to. and please, let me interfere the moment you cried again because of this.i hate seeing you crying, be it over the phone or in front of me. you don't know the impact of your tears on me. it hurts hearing your sobs of a mother in pain simply because she has no way to overcome these kinds of problems dahil hindi kayo pinayagan ni dad na maghanap ng work abroad or magtayo ng tindahan sa bahay para lang magkaron ng paghuhugutan kapag may ganitong klaseng sitwasyong dumadating. makakaraos din tayo. continue praying for our family. keep your spirits up for us. kayo ang tinitingala naming magkakapatid. kayo ang sandalan namin. wag kayong bibigay. we love you.

to kris and karen (my sisters):

pagbutihan ninyo ang inyong education. continue striving for excellence. yan lang ang tangi niyong magagawa sa ngayon. make our parents proud. don't ever let them down. show them na worth it ang pinaghirapan nila. huwag na muna kayong sumali sa gulo by asking them na may lakad kayo, may gimik kung saan man, dahil utang na loob, WALA TAYONG PERA! at hindi nakakamatay ang tumanggi sa mga ganyang uri ng lakad. hindi niyo yun kawalan. sa akin kayo makakatikim kapag umangal kayo. yes, this time, i will exercise my right as your eldest sibling. konting tiis pa. hindi lang kayo ang nahihirapan sa ngayon, and i hope nakikita niyo yan.

ayan. tapos na ang rant.

a letter from a bestfriend to his/her bestfriend...

dear beshy,

 

hay, eto na. this is the moment. its your time to shine again. time to spread your wings and soar higher. time to prove people your capabilities who doubt you. it's now time to prove them wrong.

sadly, it's also the time for our paths to part. well, i hope that it's not for long. alam mo naman na isa ka sa mga motivating factors ko which keep me going and going and going, despite all those shit that i've been going through. but enough about me, this should be about you.

thanks beshy. for letting me take part in your life. i couldn't imagine what would my life have been if you're not there. i've been through a lot of things. you have been through a lot of things. we have been through a lot of things together. and thanks to you, we've managed to overcome those. then before you know it, ayan nanaman, bagong problema nanaman. now, we're just laughing about them and those people who are still struggling through that same thing without knowing what to do about them.

 

thanks beshy. for making me feel a part of your family. honestly, marami kayong nagparamdam sa akin ng ganyan. pero, never did i felt this much. you made me stay in your place sa pasay, kahit hindi ka na talaga doon umuuwi. thanks for cooking food for me (us), waiting for me to arrive home before eating dinner even if mamamatay ka na sa gutom (hay, i could so remember that day :) ). thanks for introducing me to your relatives na parang jowa mo ako. thanks for inviting me sa mga pakain niyo sa pasay, sa christmas party niyo, at sa mga birthday party ng kung sinu-sinong kamag-anak niyo. you made me feel fat, pero it made my heart even fatter. thanks beshy.

thanks din beshy, for confiding your feelings to me. from your crushes, to your struggles sa acads, to your bonggang-bonggang love life, even to the point of your personal life. lahat lahat. thanks for trusting me with that. it's a bit embarassing for some people to open such kinds of stuff, and yet, you willingly shared them with me. you don't know how much that trust meant to me. it gave me a deeper sense of fulfillment knowing that at least in my life, somebody gave me that kind of trust. i am deeply grateful for that.

 

now that you're leaving the country, it's almost automatic for the people you will be leaving behind to feel sad. so don't tell us na wag kami umiyak. you know we'll miss you. so let us show you how much we'll miss you. your smile, your sense of style, your car, your make-up, your house, your pet dog, your stylish phone...ay puro material? hahaha... but seriously, we'll miss your company. i know that an email from us can reach you, pero iba pa rin ang physical presence mo. hindi naman tayo pwede maginuman over emails di ba? yosi din... hahaha

sigh, i know that it'll be a different southville when you're gone. one less kikay girl i know. no more blue honda car blaring her horn in front of my house just so that we could go out to have coffee, yosi break, boy-watching sa basketball court, inuman sa tenessee, gimik somewhere, or just hang-out sa maryland, missouri, monaco or bugaria. no more moments together. kami meron, tayo wala na...after two years pa.

beshy, you take good care of yourself there. it's a totally new world for you there. i know you have plans of slimming down, but don't use that excuse to skip meals, ok? no tita ema there to wake you up because you're late for school. no me there to help you do your homeworks. it's just you. you're on your own there. no manang diling to do your laundry and tidy up your room and cook your meals. no security guard to always keep your flat safe. no bribery from policemen (oops :p). i know kaya mo naman. just remember, email lang ang katapat ng home sickness ok? i'll be trying to follow you sa london soon, siguro a few months after my regularization...konting tiis muna ha? i'm not making promises baka kasi madepress ka kapag hindi ako napadpad diyan anytime soon.

and just remember. we're always here to support you. kung kayang sagutin ang mga tanong, hinaing (wag muna pera beshy :p), requests...basta kaya namin, we'll be glad to help you. you have been a great part of my life. of OUR lives. and we are deeply grateful for that. don't forget to pray ha? hindi naman yan muslim country na pagbabawalan ka, so go lang and pray whenever you feel down and hopeless.

so paano ba yan beshy? i'll try to see you soon, ok? otherwise, i'll see you in two years, ok? we'll be praying for your success there ok? smile beshy you deserve it more than any of us :) we love you beshy. wag kang makakalimot ha? kami kasi hindi :) mwah mwah

  

hugs, kisses, prayers,

beshy papakarl

the month im looking forward to and dreading at the same time...is coming

two months more, and it's december.

why im looking forward to december? hmmm... lots of things. my first christmas bonus (yes, meron ako even though hindi pa ako regular). christmas shopping na! hehe the long vacation. who in the corporate world wouldn't look forward to that? XD

the cold breeze of the season. yes, im looking forward to it. its damn cold kasi dito sa pilipinas, ;p

some childhood traditions i never grew up. buying new clothes and shoes. im gonna buy myself a new bag. i think i deserve it since my office bag badly needs its retirement. receiving gifts from parents for being good (?) for the past year. noche buena shopping means the fridge will be full again with scrumptious food like ham, leche flan, queso de bola, homemade pasta, fruit salad and other fancy sweets. christmas dawn masses, i hope i could complete it this year. yuletide delicacies like puto bumbong and bibingka after dawn mass, yummy. christmas decorations from christmas trees, lanterns, angels, santa claus, reindeers, metallic christmas balls, poinsettia and other flowers full of glitter, wreaths, candy canes, and of course, the belen.

how can i forget the beautifully wrapped gifts under the tree? even though i sometimes do the wrapping, there's still that hint of thrill i feel every time a present is opened, of course im not the one who wraps my present haha

the spirit of togetherness, the mere fact that you're celebrating jesus' arrival on earth with your relatives is something i always look forward to. everybody has a smile on their faces during this time of the year. the countdown to 12mn is always an event we do in the family. everybody kisses and hugs each other at the strike of the clock. its a nice site.

having said all that, why on earth would i dread for december? well, the inaanak. i have so many of them i dont think i could afford giving them all a present. next, since i am also now in the working section of my family, i am "required" to contribute to the family expenses this coming season. tsk3, not that i don't want to, but im afraid that i wont be able to save enough for myself. 

lastly, the deal. ok story telling time. it happened last december at up-diliman during the lantern parade. me and tina saw what we thought as the most romantic fireworks display after the program. and yes, we are both single that time. we felt pity for ourselves as we saw a few couples holding hands together, savoring the romantic atmosphere the pyrotechnic display brought. then, we thought of making a deal: that we will bring our significant other next year and watch the parade and the fireworks together so that we wont feel any remorse for our ever miserable love life. and that time is about to come in a few weeks time! wah!

yes, i am starting to panic. who will i bring with me? who wants to share that romantic moment with someone like me? shit, panic panic PANIC!

i have prospects, pero with the situation i have, i doubt kung siya ang makakasama ko. tsk3

karl wake up... WAKE UP!

welcome post

my first blog outside my web social networks which are friendster and multiply.

don't know how frequent i will be viewing this. don't know how frequent will i be able to post here. i do think it's hard to maintain two blogs at the same time. especially when it's my first time to try this.

anyways, since i don't know anybody yet from this part of the cyber world, i wwlcome myself to this site :D