here we go again...

... and the words started to come out of my mouth.

and you cant blame me.

well for one, i hate myself. i hate myself for being such a corporate martyr. being passive always have its disadvantages. people, especially those i consider to be close to me, always tend to abuse my passiveness. favors here and there, asking me to do this and that, verify this and that, compute for this and that. i actually don't mind since you're my friend. and besides, some of you don't really ask me to do things on a usual basis. and besides i can really manage my time to insert your favors on my schedule. although i must admit my time is really cranked up with bullshit these days that i could hardly find time for relaxation. but that's fine. as i said, i like being asked to do things for people. BUT, that is on the assumption that i feel important to them and that i am the only able person to do your favors.

but there is/are this/these person/people who just don't seem to appreciate what i have done. maybe it's because it's their nature to ask others to do their work for other people just so that they could relax. and since here i am, their most dependable person to rely on, they could easily delegate the task to me, with the pity look in their eyes, begging for my time, attention and energy. i know this is not a healthy thing to do, being in the world where you either walk with the people or get run over if you don't. and i am not the latter, definitely. but sometimes, it gets pretty tiring. being in a fast-paced environment, it's very easy for you to get run over by people, work, stress, etc. but hey! i have a life of my own! i have my own problems to deal with! i have work to do, i have family and friends who are way closer than this/these person/people to attend to. i have bills to pay, i have dreams i am so dying to pursue, i have careers to build. i have crushes i want to be mine (ok that's kinda farfetched already haha). the point is clear, i wanna have my own life to deal with. and sometimes your favors are way too much for me to handle. and here you go, blabbering to me about delayed things, commitments not delivered. that's bullshit! fyi, you should have know that i have my own load to carry, and i don't want to drag your requests with it. that's too much. don't you know how to carry it on your own? if you can't carry the burden, then you shouldn't be here in the first place. that's bullshit for someone as old, ok experienced would be a nicer way to say it, as you.

there, the burden has gone from my system. time again to submerge myself to the crap i have hanged outside the office

untitled blah

segway lang bago ako tuluyang mawalan ng ulirat

it has been my regimen to dust some powder on my face, spray some perfume on my body and apply petroleum jelly on my lips before i leave the office. it is my way of rewarding myself for surviving the struggles i encountered in the office. just so i could still feeel good about myself and so that my family wouldn't have to notice that my work is really about to kill me. and of coourse i must admit that i do that to find someone, although i must say it's just a plus in my list as of now.

my point here is that i want to look good whenever somebody sees me walking the pedestrian lanes of the city when i go home. well maybe even inside public transports, but i must let you understand that im not flirting with people inside those transports or even along the sidewalks. i just want to look good, period.

but lately, for two consecutive days, i have noticed that two men, or at least they were looking as such, have disturbed me. the first one was a seatmate on a jeepney from alabang to binan, the other was a seatmate in a bus from boni to alabang. they were looking at me with the obvious intention of fulfilling their physical earthly desires which, i must say disgusts me since i dont know them and they don't look good enough for my standards, hehe.

the point here is why do i attract people that i dont like and why cant i attract the one i like?call me desperate, funny, crazy if you want. im just so frustrated.

yun lang

its been a while...

...since i last poured out my thoughts on a piece of cyber paper. what took me so long to use my new-age typewriter? a lot. loss of a dear beloved grandfather, christmas grieving, new year grieving, career plans, etcetera.

well, it's a new year for all of us. new things to do. to achieve. to let go, no matter how hard or sad it may be. so, how will i start the year? or should i say, how did i start the new year? well, new outlook. new principles to live by. no more misster emo senti child. i think i have had enough of that last year. now im turning over a new leaf. new things to try. new places to discover. new people to acquaint with. and yes, a new inspiration for all that bull shit that happened for the past 365 1/4 days. im on the process of shedding my skin. cracking my cocoon. spreading my newly acquired wings. hopefully, there are no frogs in my path to swallow me alive. its time for this butterfly to appreciate the world he tried so hard to hide from.

as a line from song a witch uttered in the musical Wicked: "i'm...defying gravity. and you can't pull me down".

the christmas bug hasn't bitten me yet...

yes, and to think it's just 15 effin days before that special day.

the cool (not cold) breeze is here. im seeing thousands of tiny bulbs forming lines, glowing in trees along highways, street lamps, business establishments, and houses. fancy ornaments of metallic red, blue, gold, silver, among the several other colors, are seen hanging in wreaths and christmas trees. out comes the very famous figures of santa claus; rudolph and his 6 friends; angels clad in fancy gowns carrying instruments such as harps, trumpets and violins; and who would ever forget the stable, the manger complete with the three wise men, the shepherd and his flock, with the family celebrating the birth of our Saviour. lanterns of different sizes, colors and lights line up the streets. people rushing here and there shopping for gifts. children could be heard on the streets singing to tunes who knows who invented them, with flattened beer caps and empty milk cans as their accompaniment. yes, indeed. the time is drawing near.

and in spite of these, im still not excited about christmas. im not sure i want to celebrate it this year. well, i have already expressed my sentiments on this before, but my mood should have shifted already by this time.

sigh, to you out there, help me feel the christmas spirit. the spirit i should have been feeling since the start of the month. it feels like it's not fun anymore when it should be. sigh, back to work

she came back...

yes, you came back.

i thought we will be seeing each other again after two years, but then again, you came back after just a month.

you were crying over little things in your first few days of leaving. and i was there to listen. now, you're back and things changed.

well, i do think it was for the better. after all, you came back smiling. and you said you found yourself a new... friend. yes, it was a friend, but until when?

now, don't look at me like im jealous, because frankly speaking im not. im just afraid that since you'll be having a newbie, we'll be hearing less from you when you leave again. that's what im afraid of. im afraid that you'll leave everything behind here. im afraid i wont be able to know you again. im afraid you'll forget me. us.

soon, you'll leave again. will this be for good already? and when you say you'll leave, would that mean you'll leave everything behind? and when you say everything, does that include us?

im afraid. but i have no choice. i have to let you go. again.

whew.

ok, so i surprised kee and the drinkers at drew's by suddenly showing up. and yes, i felt like i was attending a grand prodigal son-ish homecoming. hugs and kisses welcomed me to the group. there was jeyson, meia, gee, kee, aaron, lea, julie, annalea, chaida, donna. kuya ross followed shortly. and kuya jasper, too.

ok, i arrived drew's surprised to see new faces joining the drinkers. and i was surprised to see that most of them are already beyond their alcohol tolerance.

ok, yada yada yada... kwentuhan here and there. i became updated to the latest happenings to my dear org.

ok, i heard their side already. i hope i could hear the other side as well. soon

ok, i had drinks, four shots actually of drew's concoctions. and to think that i did not have dinner. i prepared myself for my very worse behavior that night.

ok, we were discussing things while drinking, when all of a sudden, one of the drinkers cried. everyone went to either comfort her or just be anxious about why did this drinker cried. ok, enough said, i will not delve into the details as i assume this is not for public consumption. and just as i thought it was over, another drinker cried. sheesh, aren't we supposed to be having fun?

ok, my mind is like i hadn't drink that night because of what happened. and to top it all off, another drinker cried.

ok, you can blame me for that; that's the way thing really are right now. sorry.

ok, what the hell is wrong with the drinkers that night? two-five drinkers were dancing, two of them wildly. some drinkers trying to add a new vice. in front of me. ok, i don't like that. drinker who couldn't even control himself/herself simple because the person is so drunk that person could crawl back home regardless if the drinker still has his/her stuff with him/her. sheesh. i have never encountered any of that kind in my college years, even in my entire existence.

ok, i am not mad. it's just that why would there be such people who continue drinking even if they already know they have reached their limit?

ok, i am embarrassed by what happened. embarrassed by what people saw. embarrassed by what people perceived of my friends that night. embarrassed that i wasn't able to do something to relieve them from such embarrassment.

but, they're my friends. the hell i care about what other people say about them. to hell i care about what they would think about us. they don't know us. so don't they ever bother minding us.

ok, end of rant.

the 4-day cebu expedition

ok, this is probably one of the longest, if not the longest, post ever. and since i experienced so much, i think it is very proper that this post is quite long, hehehe

day1:

met up with salve at mrt-magallanes station at 7am to go to the naia terminal 3. dapat kasi 6am yun, but then again, we're filipinos hahaha. then, met up with deo at the airport. got checked in a breeze. got board my first ever plane ride in my entire life at 8:45am, and by 9am, we were airborne. ok, since this was my first time to ever ride a plane, i was excited. yes, i even got the chance to win a prize by joining an in flight game hahaha. i liked the view of the clouds under me when it is usually above us. by 10 we were already in cebu. rode a cab with a very funny driver to the north bus terminal. grabbed a quick snack as a lunch substitute and rode a bus to Maya. and thus started the longest and most expensive bus ride i ever had. 135 pesos! 4 hours of sitting in a very uncomfortable seat! well, the first two hours was smooth sailing. on my left were vast foliage and mountains. on my right is a great view of the blue sea. great isn't it? the next hour was a dusty trip to several barangays (dusty kasi ordinary ang bus, walang aircon bus sa terminal, sheesh). and the last hour was a rough road, a very rough road. my butt sore big time. sigh, at least, when we finally got off, we saw a better view of the sea. next is a boat ride to malapascua island. whew, three modes of transportation in one day! but the long and tiring trip was worth it, as we saw the white sands of the island. awww, ganda

a guy by the name of kuya Arca approached us and led us to one of the cottages in the place. great news, we got a place to stay for a good deal. got our first serious meal at the island at ging-ging's garden. then, went off and changed clothes and took a brief dip at the beach while watching the dramatic sunset. awww, ganda.

went back to our cottage and ate at mabuhay bar and resto by 7 pm. yummy spaghetti bolognese. and since we have nothing left to do, we drank, haha. got drunk that time, and to think i only had two sex on the beach (disclaimer: name ito ng cocktail na ininom ko that  night, god bless your naughty mind hahaha). made freinds with kuya ramon, the bar owner, and her "talandi" waitresses hahaha. then we headed back to our cottage by 11pm and slept.

day2:

woke up by 7am to catch the sunrise. well, tulog pa mga kasama ko so ayos lang magdrama sa beach hahaha. then when they woke up we ate breakfast at ging-ging's, changed clothes and headed for the beach for our snorkeling itinerary. side talk: we rented a boat for 700 bucks and rented goggles (which was by the way pronounced in malapascua as GAGOLS hahahaha) for just 150 bucks each, great deal i must say. kaso lang aga aga minura kami ni kuya Arca (see all caps word). anyways, we went around the entire island for three hours, and i was seriously amazed at the sites we saw underwater. corals of various colors, shapes and designs, fishes of different colors and sizes, star fishes, sea urchins, and even a coral "garden" in a japanese shipwreck! simply amazing underwater adventure.

after the trip, we headed back and i took a bath before eating lunch at la isla bonita. ordered "Jaegerschnitzel" which is just a german term for a burger-steak look-a-like with mushroom gravy and your choice of homemade fries or mashed potatoes. yummy. and it was a big serving, which should be kasi mahal ang price haha. then we rested by the beach. syempre konting swim swim ulit hanggang dumating ang sunset, accompanied by dramatic clouds hahaha. ganda. too bad we wewren't able to capture it.

we went back to the cottage and dressed up for dinner/inuman session, again hahaha. we saw a restaurant with a great ambience by the beach side. they arranged mats, tables and pillows for you to sit on the sand. too bad it rained so we had to transfer to their bar. ordered hawaii pizza (note: that's exactly the name of the pizza, not hawaiian, hahaha) at sunsplash (that's the name of the resto). also tried two different cocktail drinks: maitai and tequila sunrise. fortunately, they bith tasted good and i never got drunk; sina salve and deo ang tinamaan hahaha. and dahil hindi kami kuntento, we headed back to mabuhay resto bar. continued story-telling, singing to the bar's videoke and laughing our hearts out to the tune of  deo's and salve's long island ice tea and my second order of maitai hahaha. my friends are so drunk when a guy foreigner named mark came by the resto and came to sit next to us. well, bilang mga talandi ang mga waitresses dun at nakainom na rin kami, we just found out we were already talking to this guy, which is by the way kinda smells like a curry dish. turn off. anyways, since sobrang lasing na nga ng mga kasama ko, they decided to go ahead and leave me talking to this stranger by myself! hala! oh well, i decided to join the talandi waitresses as they were going to watch something at the town plaza. fiesta kasi. so bilang nakainom na ako, i asked mark if he could also join us. he was actually excited as he was about to immerse himself to a local tradition. so ayun, next thing we know, andun na kami hahaha. ang program for that night is some beauty contest coronation night. ok, no partying for me, boo hahahaha. but mark was i think fascinated with the intermission numbers that he was really taking videos of it. ok, boredom and alcohol strikes, so i asked to go ahead. mark asked if he could go with me na rin kasi wala siyang kasama pabalik ng hotel niya. ok, moment alone with this guy? no thanks, na turnoff na ako sa smell niya hahaha. but then ayun, sinamahan ko pa rin siya all the way to his hotel, which is walking distance lang naman from ours. tsk3, shakes hands a bit tapos i was surprised, he gave his email address without me asking for it! hala!!! waa hahaha gusto ko na rin yata siyang landiin ng konti hahaha. but i controlled myslef hahaha. balik cottage na and slept.

day3:

woke up late, argh missed the sunrise. anyways, we ate again at ging-ging's before heading back to the main island. packed our bags and started our longest bus ride ever. grabe from 4 hours, naging 5! hayme lang,imagine all the dirt na na-accumulate sa face ko! tsk3. anyways we arrived at sm city cebu by 5pm. boo, no lunch! tsk3. then, cheked in at executive royal inn. finally airconditoned room, with hot and cold water hahaha. took avery refreshing bath while salve ate at a nearby carinderia and deo met up with her niece at sm city cebu. then, after salve's turn to bathe, we headed to sm city cebu to meet up with deo and her niece. then we went to parkmall. ate at a fastfood while waiting for a seat at pier one. yes, another booze session hahaha. yes, and with a new face, siyempre new kwento, more laugh tripping, more picture taking hahaha. well, fortunately, walang lasing that night hahaha.

went back to the hotel and more pics were taken. hahaha vain kami eh hahaha

day4:

woke up by 7am, took a bath and then went to a money transfer store. papadala lang ako ng pera somewhere hehehe. then went back the hotel and pakced our stuff and prepare for the whole day city tour before heading back for manila. our hired taxi driver was kuya roel. andami naming napuntahan

• taoist temple - ganda ng site kasi it was found at a hillside overlooking the city. prayed to the altar and asked questions answered by two wooden thingy hahaha. too bad ang answers were "no" and "maybe" for me. sheesh.
• quick breakfast at mcdonald's andwithdrew money at a nearby atm
• jumalon butterfly sanctuary - situated in a village somewhere, this eductaional itinerary taught us the value of not cutting weeds as these may be food for the caterpillars who would eventually become prospective butterflies, which would be pollinators and producers of fruits. also found out that the alphabet can be seen through butterfly wings, and that males are more beautiful and smaller  compared to females in the insect world, and other facts about butterflies, including an art form where their wings could be used as  art mosaic.
• crocolandia - a crocodile farm with more animals compared to crocodiles hahaha. but we saw very VERY big ones, including a wide range of birds, snakes, deer, wild pigs, owls, eagles, fish, ostrich, reptiles and amphibians. we even saw a tarsier!
• fort san pedro - a unique historic site where the fort is triangular-shaped. although it's quite small so no need to stay here for too long, and besides we're too hungry to walk hahaha
• ate lunch at a different mcdonald's branch
• magellan's cross, basilica de santo niño's church and museum - another historical site, made a wish at church while praying inside it. ganda ng altar, very grand. and the museum, interesting. puro costumes ng santo, plus records with very envious handwriting hahaha
• tabuan market - yes, time for buygin pasalubong. bought danggit, dried pusit, chorizo de cebu and fish tocino. yes may tocino na pala na gawa sa isda and it doesnt taste like fish talaga. interesting
• shamrock otap store - yes, pasalubong again. bought otap, dried mangoes and mango puree. ok, i hope hindi pa naman ako over sa baggage limit ko hahaha
• went window shopping for a while at a guitar store. well, hindi naman yata tamang maglabas sa amin yung owner ng grudges niya against his wealthy competitors di ba? hahaha
• lapu-lapu shrine/park - last stop. historic site pa rin, hehehe well, picture taking and more shopping for pasalubong. bought a bag for mom, a shirt for my dad, and coin purses (pronounced as CORN FERS by ate hahaha) for my two sisters
• ate an early dinner at chowking

arrived at mactan international airport at 6:30pm. take note, our flight is scheduled at 9pm pa hahaha we're too tired na rin and we do believe that we toured the entire city na. so we stayed bum there until we coudl check in. met up with gem at the airport since she and her family was also here since saturday. waited two hours just to know that our flight was delayed! arrrrrgghhh, i wanna go home and sleep na! ayun, 9:35pm we flew back to manila. i love the city lights below the plane. so nice, very very nice, especially yung manila lights.

there, uwian na. tapos ang adventure. back to work