Friday, January 30, 2009

here we go again...

... and the words started to come out of my mouth.

and you cant blame me.

well for one, i hate myself. i hate myself for being such a corporate martyr. being passive always have its disadvantages. people, especially those i consider to be close to me, always tend to abuse my passiveness. favors here and there, asking me to do this and that, verify this and that, compute for this and that. i actually don't mind since you're my friend. and besides, some of you don't really ask me to do things on a usual basis. and besides i can really manage my time to insert your favors on my schedule. although i must admit my time is really cranked up with bullshit these days that i could hardly find time for relaxation. but that's fine. as i said, i like being asked to do things for people. BUT, that is on the assumption that i feel important to them and that i am the only able person to do your favors.

but there is/are this/these person/people who just don't seem to appreciate what i have done. maybe it's because it's their nature to ask others to do their work for other people just so that they could relax. and since here i am, their most dependable person to rely on, they could easily delegate the task to me, with the pity look in their eyes, begging for my time, attention and energy. i know this is not a healthy thing to do, being in the world where you either walk with the people or get run over if you don't. and i am not the latter, definitely. but sometimes, it gets pretty tiring. being in a fast-paced environment, it's very easy for you to get run over by people, work, stress, etc. but hey! i have a life of my own! i have my own problems to deal with! i have work to do, i have family and friends who are way closer than this/these person/people to attend to. i have bills to pay, i have dreams i am so dying to pursue, i have careers to build. i have crushes i want to be mine (ok that's kinda farfetched already haha). the point is clear, i wanna have my own life to deal with. and sometimes your favors are way too much for me to handle. and here you go, blabbering to me about delayed things, commitments not delivered. that's bullshit! fyi, you should have know that i have my own load to carry, and i don't want to drag your requests with it. that's too much. don't you know how to carry it on your own? if you can't carry the burden, then you shouldn't be here in the first place. that's bullshit for someone as old, ok experienced would be a nicer way to say it, as you.

there, the burden has gone from my system. time again to submerge myself to the crap i have hanged outside the office

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

untitled blah

segway lang bago ako tuluyang mawalan ng ulirat

it has been my regimen to dust some powder on my face, spray some perfume on my body and apply petroleum jelly on my lips before i leave the office. it is my way of rewarding myself for surviving the struggles i encountered in the office. just so i could still feeel good about myself and so that my family wouldn't have to notice that my work is really about to kill me. and of coourse i must admit that i do that to find someone, although i must say it's just a plus in my list as of now.

my point here is that i want to look good whenever somebody sees me walking the pedestrian lanes of the city when i go home. well maybe even inside public transports, but i must let you understand that im not flirting with people inside those transports or even along the sidewalks. i just want to look good, period.

but lately, for two consecutive days, i have noticed that two men, or at least they were looking as such, have disturbed me. the first one was a seatmate on a jeepney from alabang to binan, the other was a seatmate in a bus from boni to alabang. they were looking at me with the obvious intention of fulfilling their physical earthly desires which, i must say disgusts me since i dont know them and they don't look good enough for my standards, hehe.

the point here is why do i attract people that i dont like and why cant i attract the one i like?call me desperate, funny, crazy if you want. im just so frustrated.

yun lang

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

its been a while...

...since i last poured out my thoughts on a piece of cyber paper. what took me so long to use my new-age typewriter? a lot. loss of a dear beloved grandfather, christmas grieving, new year grieving, career plans, etcetera.

well, it's a new year for all of us. new things to do. to achieve. to let go, no matter how hard or sad it may be. so, how will i start the year? or should i say, how did i start the new year? well, new outlook. new principles to live by. no more misster emo senti child. i think i have had enough of that last year. now im turning over a new leaf. new things to try. new places to discover. new people to acquaint with. and yes, a new inspiration for all that bull shit that happened for the past 365 1/4 days. im on the process of shedding my skin. cracking my cocoon. spreading my newly acquired wings. hopefully, there are no frogs in my path to swallow me alive. its time for this butterfly to appreciate the world he tried so hard to hide from.

as a line from song a witch uttered in the musical Wicked: "i'm...defying gravity. and you can't pull me down".

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