Friday, January 30, 2009

here we go again...

... and the words started to come out of my mouth.

and you cant blame me.

well for one, i hate myself. i hate myself for being such a corporate martyr. being passive always have its disadvantages. people, especially those i consider to be close to me, always tend to abuse my passiveness. favors here and there, asking me to do this and that, verify this and that, compute for this and that. i actually don't mind since you're my friend. and besides, some of you don't really ask me to do things on a usual basis. and besides i can really manage my time to insert your favors on my schedule. although i must admit my time is really cranked up with bullshit these days that i could hardly find time for relaxation. but that's fine. as i said, i like being asked to do things for people. BUT, that is on the assumption that i feel important to them and that i am the only able person to do your favors.

but there is/are this/these person/people who just don't seem to appreciate what i have done. maybe it's because it's their nature to ask others to do their work for other people just so that they could relax. and since here i am, their most dependable person to rely on, they could easily delegate the task to me, with the pity look in their eyes, begging for my time, attention and energy. i know this is not a healthy thing to do, being in the world where you either walk with the people or get run over if you don't. and i am not the latter, definitely. but sometimes, it gets pretty tiring. being in a fast-paced environment, it's very easy for you to get run over by people, work, stress, etc. but hey! i have a life of my own! i have my own problems to deal with! i have work to do, i have family and friends who are way closer than this/these person/people to attend to. i have bills to pay, i have dreams i am so dying to pursue, i have careers to build. i have crushes i want to be mine (ok that's kinda farfetched already haha). the point is clear, i wanna have my own life to deal with. and sometimes your favors are way too much for me to handle. and here you go, blabbering to me about delayed things, commitments not delivered. that's bullshit! fyi, you should have know that i have my own load to carry, and i don't want to drag your requests with it. that's too much. don't you know how to carry it on your own? if you can't carry the burden, then you shouldn't be here in the first place. that's bullshit for someone as old, ok experienced would be a nicer way to say it, as you.

there, the burden has gone from my system. time again to submerge myself to the crap i have hanged outside the office

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