anybody wanna share some positivity here?

again, sorry to say this. but it haas been quite some time since i last updated my diary. well, you know the drill. writing blog in your workstation doesn't sound productive for your bosses. that's why now that boss is not around anymore, i now have the time, power and right to blabber, hihi.

here's the part where i share the reason behind the title. lately, i felt pessimism covering me. the typical problems of paying the bills, managing my puny little income to match my social-climbing-ish lifestyle has become one heck of a ride. problems in the family is always there - me trying to argue with my dad for a little spending in the family necessities, instead of shedding more than half of his income in paying our financial obligations to people (sounds very much like our president's been doing for the country's economy today). though i just keep my gay-ish mouth shut just so that we could get along well in the house. commuting back and forth for work, since i haven't had the luxury of finding a decent boarding house near my office, has now become more of a hassle since skyway is under construction. my being has become so stressed from all of these which is the reason why i'm starting to inflate my belly once more. and this adds to my stress. and this vicious cycle of negativity has devoured me whole. and only during the times that i am with my beshy bestfriend can i seem to escape. it was because of her that i keep on fighting my everyday struggles (well, my family's well-being would be another). it was because of her that i try to put on a smile everyday and try optimism as a side dish during meal time. it was because of her that i am still happy and enjoying what i have been doing ever since the corporate world of market research bought my soul (or so it seems).

and so i wanted to ask for positivity. i realized that looking over my past posts in this portion of cyberspace, most of it has been rants. and i don't think that continuous ranting is just noise. i realized that i should start changing my perspectives of looking into things. like maybe being thankful that i can now support my family, instead of just feeling so helpless when we don't have money to spend on basic things. that now, our financial responsibilities to other people have shrunk dramatically. that now, i can afford to buy things that i just imagined buying one year ago. that now, i have experienced what it feels like to be outside of luzon, and maybe soon, i can let my family experience the same thing.

but i need help. especially when you see a dark shadow looming closely beside you everyday. and sometimes, i feel that i'm using my beshy too much to ask for good vibes. i need more people who are thinking positively like how we breath air. i may sound so selfish, but i think it would be best for me to ask for help rather than let myself drown into the world of pessimism.

maybe you guys can help. and maybe you can start by donating money. nah i'm just kidding. i just need an atmosphere of good energy. i need good company. and i need time to change. i believe it's something that doesn't happen overnight.

let me say thank you in advance if you're willing to help.